I would like to call myself a yogi. I practice regularly, keep up with my reading and books while trying to live a conscious lifestyle.
I work hard on trying to go with the flow and be compassionate toward others while remembering that I am constantly learning, experiencing and creating. Recently, I experience one of the hardest, scariest and wonderful thing in my life – the birth of my daughter.
Me at 30 weeks
I was the poster woman of a “perfect” pregnancy. I was healthy, ate real, clean food, went to the chiropractor weekly, acupuncture regularly, taught yoga until the very end and practiced yoga up until I went to the hospital! We even did a wonderful course of Hypnobirthing and was so excited and ready to go through a healthy, natural birth.
Forty weeks came and went, I was sore from daily acupuncture and bouncing on the yoga ball non-stop when we got to 42 weeks. I had to go in to be induced. That was the first ,of many, to practice the release of the need to control and to just go with the flow.
We were at the hospital for over 8 hours, I was only one centimeter dilated and with every contraction my daughters heart rate dropped. It was a sign that things were not going to go well. Before I knew it the midwife came back in with another doctor and gave us the news I did not want to hear. A cesarean section was a must to have a healthy, living baby.
I was mortified, scared and felt like a failure. All I could think is that I did absolutely everything I could, why?! What did I do wrong, what could I have done to prevent this? Everything happened so fast. From the time I signed the papers, baby Z was born 45 minutes later. I barely had time to cry before they were shaving me and rolling me to the operating room. All I am going to say is the doctors and hospital were great, but it was one of the most scariest experience I ever had. I was cold, everyone is in masks and I lost all control of my body from my breasts down. CRAZY. Thank goodness my husband was there and talking me through everything, I didn’t want to be crying or in hysterics the entire time. Once the surgery began it was quick, I felt this weird tug , pull feeling ( which is why I believe child chiropractic is so important, but more on that later) and I heard her crying. It was so beautiful and amazing to hear that cry.
My husband was able to grab baby Z and bring her to my head and shoulder to allow skin on skin. She immediately started sucking on my cheek! That’s my gal! But, instead of the surgery finishing up right away, my wonderful husband spent another 30 minutes holding her to my face while the doctors kept working. I just kept thinking, “She is hungry , I want to feed my baby! What is taking so long?” Finally it was all done, we were wheeled away and baby Z immediately latched and everyone was safe and okay!
I felt so lucky baby Z was such a good sucker. The way everything went, I was happy we got breast-feeding right! For a 42 weeks, baby Z was pretty small but healthy. When the midwife came to visit us the next day we found out WHY the surgery seemed to take so long. When they pulled out the uterus for the c-section, my whole insides came out too! My bowel and stomach were attached to the uterus – completely blocking the left ovary and fallopian tube. They fixed everything up while they were in there… but pretty much it was a miracle that we were even able to get pregnant, let alone carry her this far in pregnancy without issue. Finding out this information made dealing with a c-section A LOT easier. I went with the flow and it guided me to where I needed to be. I had no control of the outcome, no control of preventing it and it was okay. We have a healthy baby girl and I am okay.
Now come the healing process. As a highly active person and yoga teacher, the 6 weeks of healing has been a challenge. Just like everyone else, I just have to remember to stop, take a breath and be grateful for where I am now and release.